[SATIRE] What If?: Spotty Wasn’t Admin at CP Army HQ

KLONDIKE, Spotty’s former office, CP Army Headquarters – The time that many people have been waiting for has arrived. In a new edition of “What If?”, we will try and deduce possible scenarios where Spotty is no longer an admin at CP Army Headquarters.

Disclaimer: This post contains elements of satire. It also represents solely the opinion of the author and not CP Army Headquarters as a whole.

Like the last “What If?” post, this post will look into possible reasons Spotty would no longer be an admin here. The reasons analyzed here are her firing, leaving, and never being a real admin at CP Army Headquarters.

I. Spotty fired from being an Admin

After her firing, Freezie66 would return to the community and proclaim that a new era of armies was upon the community. The massive return would bring about a new perspective amongst the CP Army Headquarters staff. The paradigm shift would make staff realize the current administration was never brave enough to fire her. In a move mirroring the Help Force coup of Spotty, the staff of CP Army Headquarters would get rid of the entire admin team except for Superhero123 and Crazzy. Then, they would nominate new admins. They would probably nominate Pranav and Jarvis, Super’s butler, for Director-in-Chief. However, they could be anyone from the following list: Pranav, Jarvis, Frostty, Myth, Disha, and Comedy.

Noting the lack of Aaronstone42 from that list, the Western Bloc would riot and declare war on CP Army Headquarters. They would form “CP Army Aaron Stone League” or CPAASL. I spoke to a supporter of the idea of that league, John Doe:

Personally I think the CPAASL is going to be the next new big league. It’s going to blow away CPAJL[CP Army Jarvis League] and CPAN[CP Army Network]. With Aaron as our supreme leader, nothing will stop us from growing! ALL HAIL AARON!

On the other hand, CP Army Network would return to CP Armies Jarvis League (CPAJL), seeing as the new organization solely focuses on CP Army Battleground development and administration. Since Spotty’s worst nightmare would be the owner and founder of CPAJL, Spotty would then go to CP Rewritten moderators and complain about the army community. However, the mods would quickly rebuff her because she is a former CP Online Moderator. Because of this, she would take a page out of her very inexperienced book and complain to the police and Disney about CP Rewritten. Nobody would know why, but we would think she knew about criminal activity. After all of this, Freezie and Spi would snicker at Spotty and say, “This is karma for bringing Dark Warriors’ staff to Elites in December 2020/January 2021.”

II. Spotty leaves CP Army Headquarters

Spotty is driven to madness every day by the community, and such a move would lead her to full retirement. More likely would be Spotty’s retirement from CP Army Headquarters. As the resident cow of Club Penguin Armies, she even created her disease: “Mad Cow Disease.” The disease is highly contagious able to cause anyone to inherit terrible sleep schedules and spelling mistakes. Sometimes, it includes going out to bars till 3 am, not moderating well, or ostracization. Spinoffs of the disease include the formerly infamous “Funky Fresh” disease in the Ice Warriors, introduced by a former colleague of Spotty, Kristina.

The constant pain caused by the disease would make Spotty feel like retiring. Rather than sobbing that they can no longer make fun of the admin, people would praise Spotty’s decision and try to avoid her. For the next month, her victims would recover through CP Army Headquarters’ therapy sessions and the cure created by Superhero123. After about 2 or 3 weeks, people would forget her loss because she made little contribution to the community other than unifying the community’s judging system.

what if Spotty spelling

Example of her disease, known as “Mad Cow Disease”

what if Spotty sleep

“Mad Cow Disease,” with another symptom: lack of sleep

Unfortunately, while people heal from her rampaging infection, the courageous people that fought her would become bored. They would look for other projects of justice to work on, trying to make more people leave. Such people would focus on people like Leila, and Rah. I asked Leila for her opinion on such an incident:

I would not be threatened because short men on the internet who run penguin leagues do not scare me. They bully themselves by being short men on the internet who run penguin leagues. That is all.

While Leila’s willpower is appreciated, she supports Spotty and, therefore, would be forced out of the community as a whole by justice and chivalry. The community would not tolerate Spotty’s former behavior anymore and would apply their ideals to whomever they could, especially her aforementioned friends.

III. Spotty is never admin.

Spotty is a fake admin, as stated by the Director-in-Chief, DMT. She should not have any more interest in the community still.

Her presence merely ticks off the other admins and all others that put up a front of liking her. In reality, people despise her as an “admin” and wish to get rid of her. However, we cannot fire her because she has too great a following. The paparazzi includes Eden, who decides to entertain Spotty whenever she does something dumb. Unfortunately, the occurrences of her stupid actions are numerous, so Eden is almost always in chat.

Thankfully, there is still hope for those wishing to get rid of Spotty. The community must band together and not treat Spotty like an admin anymore. If that happens, then there is no value for her role — her only respect will come from riots against her. I foresee Xing and Grayrockett/Vanish overseeing this effort. They are notable for their anti-Spotty beliefs and will do anything for their beliefs.

With negativity against Spotty and people ignoring her admin role, the community will see a post worthy of ProSect from Max and LuciferStar. Spotty’s abuses against staff and others would end, and she would leave the community forever. The community would celebrate that day as “Freedom Day” for years after, the day that the community rid itself of all existing problems. People would stop multi logging, increasing the allure of armies. Armies would prosper for generations, leading to yet another Golden Age in armies. We would no longer be in a slump, with a possible unification. All armies would grow, and we would support each other, all without Spotty. The “Spotty Exodus” would save armies.

IV. Conclusion

To sum all three scenarios up, Spotty is a problem. There is no sugar-coating such a fact; the torture will never end as long as she remains. However, if she left by herself, the community would fix itself while creating more problems. There is an unfortunate need for people like Spotty because she annoys us all to be better people that are not like her. In short, her fallbacks are our pride and vice versa. To solve this issue, we must make sure we treat those people well enough that they feel like staying but bully them, so their ego doesn’t grow from not being a victim. Hence, I will start the solution by being nicer to Spotty, no matter how much she bullies other staff and me behind the scenes. We must never forget the TRUE goal, however: Rid the community of Spotty.

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3 Responses

  1. Fulcrum23 March 24, 2022 (7:38 pm)

    Spotty is not a problem! She’s awesome!

  2. Pranav March 24, 2022 (8:05 pm)

    Fire Spotty

  3. Raticide March 24, 2022 (9:24 pm)

    I see no severe consequences, fire Spotty.

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